Trying to Get an Ex Back After They Have Someone New
Does your ex have someone new? Are they all over social media with a new guy or girl? Have they been bragging to everyone how happy they are with the new person despite having recently broken up with you?
We face this emotional predicament daily on our coaching calls and have seen it play out in a myriad of different ways.
We need to know how long you were together prior to the breakup.
How vocal is your ex to you specifically about the new relationship?
Are they being secretive about the new relationship and keeping it from you? Are they still contacting you on their own volition about random topics despite having this new person in their life?
If your relationship was longer than 9 months and the new relationship is happening within a month of the breakup or less, then this ratio specifically, as an example, smacks of rebound. However, if your ex monkey branched, where he or she had this new person cued up (or worse involved with the new person) during the relationship then that is a different situation that may or may not lead to reconciliation. Your behavior through these different predicaments means everything.
If you show outward jealousy and are caught in the act of trying to sabotage this new relationship then you are doing yourself no favors. People (including your ex) want autonomy and independence in life decisions and freedom of choice in their decisions almost more than anything besides food, water and shelter. It’s a primal desire. If you are forcing yourself onto your ex in this situation, where there is someone else involved, then you are triggering the independence desire out of your ex which is stronger than the desire to be in a quality relationship.
In other words, even if your ex is only halfway into this new dude or lady, and you are barking down their neck for reconciliation or spitting jealousy, then your ex will stay in the current mode of breakup with the new person out of desire to show you that you can’t control the situation. It’s that bad. You can’t belittle yourself by showing jealousy and think it’s attractive at the same time. Remember the name of the game is to re-attract your ex, not sexually necessarily, but mentally and emotionally as well. Strength is always more attractive than insecurity.
There are a few different ways to handle a new relationship that we coach are clients to use depending on your unique situation, and one of these techniques that can be shockingly impactful and works well is actually complimenting the new person to your ex. But before you use this technique you have to set it up correctly or it can bomb. The setup must consist of your ex bringing up the topic amongst a few other requisites that are critical for success.
If your ex is bragging to everyone about how happy they are in a new relationship there is a massive chance it is false bravado or over compensation indicating the proverbial house of cards scenario. Your ex could also be baiting you into vulnerability and anguish by such antics, which may have the desired affect of feeding your ex’s ego or even worse an attempt to get your attention via negative stimulation. We know it’s not fun and sometimes the appropriate reaction may be to actually acknowledge the outward expressions from your ex regarding this new relationship subtly and sometimes it may be best to outright ignore all these social media posts and false advertising.
If your ex is making all this noise regarding their new relationship, yet still reaching out to you about anything at all, including logistical type inquiries, then our job in helping you reconcile is clearly a lot easier. If your ex is completely ignoring you and simultaneously advertising the “improvement” in life based on a new relationship, then we both have a little more work to do regarding the re-attraction process.