Strategy for getting your ex back | Three Things to Avoid When Contacting Your Ex

 In How To Get Your Ex Back

Strategy for Getting Your Ex Back

Ok, so you are finished with the “no contact” period or the “limited contact” period and you want to know the best strategy to contact your ex .


Look for emotional strategy sessions with your ZooMonkey Coach.


Well first, there are three key things you want to avoid when contacting your ex if you are looking for sound emotional strategy.

1) Avoid any negative emotional topic- don’t emerge from the no contact period with immediate references to the past breakup or past arguments.  This is a psychological trap because you may want to start out with another apology or you think it is ok since time has gone by to bring up something you may have done “wrong”.  Do not do this.  Do not bring up negative emotional topics, ie: past arguments, past issues, or any past issue with a hint of negativity.

2) Do not expect an immediate return from your ex and do not react when a return does not come your way.

Yes. Setting emotional expectations is a part of strategy.

Your ex will not always act the way you want him or her to act.  If you react adversely, you will trigger a horrible result and will put yourself right back into a no contact period potentially.  (the topic of how to handle a “no response” is covered on other posts). Do not ask for a response from your ex either.  This is a good time to see where you really are in the reconciliation process.

3) Do NOT contact your ex, regardless of how much time has passed, if you are NOT emotionally prepared to be calm, cool and collected.  Your ex is tired of the drama and is unattracted to the drama.  Have a plan and a purpose and make sure you are emotionally capable to execute your plan.  Do not text your ex, “i have missed you all this time…how are you..?”  Showing your “hand” like this is not good strategy because we need to utilize the element of surprise. First of all it is too emotionally filled and not light enough. Secondly, it does not carry any psychological punch that is impactful.  When you contact your ex, avoid non impactful texts that are really a waste of ammunition.

Emotional Strategy is important and can be the difference between getting your ex back or not.

As always, feel free to comment on this information below as we always like hearing your thoughts.

When you call us, we will help you decide where you are in your breakup 1-888-666-1871

We are here to help you with strategy.-Phil Richman


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  • anna

    my boyfriend and i broke up on the 1st of january this year. we still live in the same house, but he has retreated and started living in the basement (his man cave). i applied there no contact rule and 6 days later he gave me and my 8 year-old daughter (from my former marriage) a present which he left on my table with no note. i don’t know what to make of it. i sent a thank you note and left it on the coffee table where he can see it. my daughter also left a thank you note too. he took my thank you note and not my daughter’s note. he left my daughter’s note by the bedroom door. what does this mean? it’s been 9 days since we have spoken and seen each other. i don’t know what to do. i’m still doing no contact. he also wants me to get my stuff out of the common areas, now that we have a new roommate, so he non-verbally does this by leaving my belongings at my bedroom door and opening all cabinets in the living room that has my belongings in it. i would move out, but simply cannot afford to. i really do still love him. a lot of our break-up has too do with finances. PLEASE RESPOND TO MY SITUATION. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR MAKE OF IT. I NEED HELP.

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